[2024] leap
[Vector] Affinity Designer | 8h
at the most dire of times, just take a leap of faith and throw yourself at life. fuck around and learn about.
Desperation is the kryptonite of the soul.
I am not a tough warrior. I destroyed many friendships being desperate for work to survive. I killed a passion for art that took years to grow back. And now, I need to just get rid of this ego and just admit: I am broke as fuck, I need to work, and the unique skill I can bring is doing this kind of art.
When you have bill piling high, deadlines looming by, negative balances in your accounts; it's easy to just say fuck it, I give up.
Ignorance and negation blinds you to only see the good times and not recognise storms brewing, and they catch you ass in the breeze.
I had 3 months to find something. And I didn't think about doing commissions again. I told myself never again. But didn't know why.
I didn't play to my strengths, begged for money, did my absolute worst whilst thinking I was doing it "professionally". Hey, I did graphic design for a living as a kid, why not now?
Because I didn't play to my strengths and just did what everyone wanted. I was ignorant that having limits doesn't mean you ain't gonna get work. Having limits is protecting you from burnout and, in the end, fucking up your own "brand".
Well, it's 3 months later. Been edged by employers because I didn't set limits to carry on. Didn't wanna admit that it could happen to me. "Don't worry, you're talented, you'll get a job quick." Bullshit.
This time I learned a couple things:
- It can happen to you, it can happen to me, it can happen to everyone eventually.
- Being resilient doesn't mean you're a tough warrior. However, learning from tough times whenever they come, with a cool head, on time, without stepping on the same rakes, is.
- Work dignifies. Don't be afraid of going back if it's necessary to survive the storm.
Gonna post it to the Artist's Alley as soon as I figure out some logistics, how to contact and T&C's. But yes, commissions open.